Remember the time when almost all of my posts were about how bored I was? Remember how I promised to lighten up a bit and enjoy life? Well...that's not happening.
I guess the bright side to everything is that I'm not as sad as I used to be. But nothingness has replaced that sadness. And I don't know what's worse. Feeling sad sometimes and happy others, or feeling nothing at all. I feel numb. And I feel conflicted.
The thing about everything is that everything is only a matter of perspective. For example, what would you qualify as bullying? For myself, and many of my friends who have truly been bullied, we are unfazed by a rude comment or sarcastic banter. What we conciser bullying is when a person is being downright mean to another person, simply to get a reaction out of them--simply to make them cry. A few people I know, though, will take offense at anything. Most recently, a friend of mine was upset because she found out a boy lied down next to her while she was asleep at the Dance-a-thon. Even though the boy didn't even touch her, and was (probably) just trying to be sweet, she was very flustered and angry, and felt that this constituted as bullying and harassment. Ironically, this friend had been bullied before--but never in the way that she thought she was being bullied now. So even though most of us could see that what this boy did wasn't really bullying, we sympathized with her. We understood how she felt. Had it been us, we probably would have felt the same way. After all, none of us had been "sexually harassed," as this friend thought she had been. So we comforted her, knowing that she felt betrayed. It was all a matter of perspective.
I'll admit, even I can get worked up over "bullying" when I shouldn't--especially lately. Since my new school comes with the benefits of only a few bullies who have picked on me(and most of them left the school this school year), I'm not really used to being the victim anymore. So the other day, I got quite worried about what a classmate had said earlier that day--and I did not realize how silly I was being until I sorted it all out with a friend--and figured out that the classmate wasn't being mean at all.
But that's not the purpose of this post. Bullying is terrible, and definitely warrents a post of it's own, but for now, let me continue with my original intentions for this post.
You see, a little bit ago, when I was sad all the time, happiness was like an utterly calm spot at the center of the storm--blissfully peaceful and perfect. Attending the school dance, watching my favorite movie, even talking with my friends--the little nibbles of good seemed extraordinary in light of the bad. Now that I'm no longer very sad, I can't really enjoy the happiness in life--I just feel neutral all the time, even when I should be extremely happy.
Take today as an example. I had a few of my best friends over to watch The Adventures of Tintin (my favorite movie) with me. We had a great time, with lots of laughs. And that should have given me a source of happiness to feed off of AT LEAST for a day--right? But no. I was really happy for a bit--now I just feel normal again. Just...nothing.
What is going on? I don't understand it. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't want to go to school, or see my friends, or write my stories. And it's not because I'm sad--it's just because it doesn't seem like it's worth it. I simply won't get the happiness out of those things that I used to get.
So, I sit here, bored. Bored out of my mind. I have a million things to do, but it feels like I have nothing to do. There are little things I can do to cheer myself up--like watching Doctor Who season 6 on Netflix (just came out!) or looking at comics on Equestria Daily, but those things only make me happy for a short amount of time, now. And as soon as it's over...things go back to normal.
I hate it when things are normal. Everything is so incredibly dull.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
This World is So Confusing
My life has recently become a roller-coaster of emotions. I can start off my day feeling gloomy, feel hyper at nutrition, silly during Hebrew and PE, spazzy during lunch, sad during English, happy during History, and downright depressed during theatre...and by the time my aunt comes to pick me up from school, I don't feel happy or sad--just neutral.
For example, I spent all day feeling giddy about presenting the story my friend and I collaborated on. I'm really proud of it. My friend came up with the plot and characters, and I wrote the story itself. I'll post on the blog, so you can check it out. Anyway, the second we finished reading it, I felt horrible. And it wasn't due to the fact that it went too long and our teacher had to cut us off. I just felt...drained. All the excitement left me, and I was empty. And somehow, sadness crept into my heart.
Sometimes I feel really confused. My emotions and opinions can change, literally within seconds. Sometimes listening to music helps. Sometimes it doesn't. I hate feeling like this, because it's distracting. I can't write. I can't think. I can't concentrate. I just want to crawl under my blanket and hide from the world. Because the world scares me. It's big and complicated and full of choices.
I know my friends will support me no matter what I do. Many of them are more like siblings or cousins than mere friends. I know that they'll be there for me, no matter what. But it's often hard to remember that. I've had bad friends in the past. Friends who have abandoned me the second they could. I love my new friends dearly, but sometimes I'm so afraid that they'll let me down, too.
How long will things be like this? How long must I wait until something changes? Most kids are afraid of change, but I live off of it. If things stayed the same--stayed like this--forever, then I just wouldn't be able to take it anymore.
I know this post is vague and doesn't make a ton of sense. I'm juggling several different topics here, which I'm sure is confusing to anyone who isn't in my head. I'm sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest.
For example, I spent all day feeling giddy about presenting the story my friend and I collaborated on. I'm really proud of it. My friend came up with the plot and characters, and I wrote the story itself. I'll post on the blog, so you can check it out. Anyway, the second we finished reading it, I felt horrible. And it wasn't due to the fact that it went too long and our teacher had to cut us off. I just felt...drained. All the excitement left me, and I was empty. And somehow, sadness crept into my heart.
Sometimes I feel really confused. My emotions and opinions can change, literally within seconds. Sometimes listening to music helps. Sometimes it doesn't. I hate feeling like this, because it's distracting. I can't write. I can't think. I can't concentrate. I just want to crawl under my blanket and hide from the world. Because the world scares me. It's big and complicated and full of choices.
I know my friends will support me no matter what I do. Many of them are more like siblings or cousins than mere friends. I know that they'll be there for me, no matter what. But it's often hard to remember that. I've had bad friends in the past. Friends who have abandoned me the second they could. I love my new friends dearly, but sometimes I'm so afraid that they'll let me down, too.
How long will things be like this? How long must I wait until something changes? Most kids are afraid of change, but I live off of it. If things stayed the same--stayed like this--forever, then I just wouldn't be able to take it anymore.
I know this post is vague and doesn't make a ton of sense. I'm juggling several different topics here, which I'm sure is confusing to anyone who isn't in my head. I'm sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Save Derpy!
For those of you who watch MLP, you're probably familiar with the character "Derpy Hooves."
Up until recently, our little Derpy only had one line..."Muffins." And, in fact, about three OTHER ponies were randomly saying "Muffins" at the same time. Not anything to get worked up about, right?
Wrong.
Due to an animation error, this adorable little pony's eyes were "derped." One looked up, the other--down. Bronies started noticing the gray pony, and she was soon named "Derpy Hooves," after her "derpy" expression.
Derpy attracted quite a lot of attention, and has since become the sort of "mascot" of the brony community--representing all the love and tolerance bronies preach--not to mention, representing those of us who make mistakes and don't always fit in.
She's been depicted as Doctor Whooves's loyal companion, a young and misunderstood pony, a dedicated mother, and a sweetheart who just wants to help her friends. She's kind, and sweet, and--yes--derpy. She makes mistakes. She messes up. She gets herself and her friends into trouble. But at the end of the day, everything is alright.
This endearingly clumsy little pony has touched so many lives. ALL of us have a little piece of Derpy in us--whether you're a fan of MLP or not.
All the love and creativity of the MLP fanbase has gone into Derpy Hooves. So much music, artwork, and writing was born because of her. She should go down in history as the inspiration for many great creative minds.
Just a few short weeks ago, Derpy Hooves had her very first full scene. You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaUbi-7uBDg
I couldn't have been more excited to hear Rainbow Dash call Derpy by her proper fan name. In the past, she's been referred to as "Ditzy" on the show--she was the pony who went accidently go north to fetch the southern birds. To hear our community acknowledged by the use of Derpy's name was truly wonderful. Truly, insanely, wonderful.
The thing is, some people took Derpy's voice, appearance, and name to be offensive. And I'll admit--I wasn't thrilled by her voice. I expected it to be higher pitched, with an air of distraction, if that makes sense. Still, it didn't really bother me--after all, Derpy was talking!!! And they had used her name! All the work and love and care that us bronies had put into Derpy had finally been realized. Most other bronies shared my excitement.
Some fans did NOT share my excitement, though. They said that the name "Derpy" was offensive. They said her derpy eyes were offensive. They said her voice was offensive.
If you have some time, listen to this video by the girl most fans consider to be the REAL voice of Derpy. There is some swearing, but nothing too rude.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmOxnt215ek&feature=channel_video_title
Despite videos, posts, and outcries like these, Hasbro decided to listen to the fans who were offended by Derpy. They changed her scene, so now it looks like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2CRjPO73Dg
Now, let's point out the changes.
First off--the voice. I don't actually mind this new voice so much. Okay, so it's not as silly sounding as Derpy SHOULD sound--but it's not bad.
Next--the eyes. WHY would they straighten Derpy's eyes?! They're silly and funny and adorable and endearing! They don't denote any mental challenges--so therefore, they aren't offensive! Those eyes were Derpy's trademark--the very things that brought attention to this little character! And now...now...
Lastly, and worst of all--her name. They got rid of her name. The name "Derpy," is no longer canon. The fans are no longer recognized. It's as if we don't exist. One of the things I loved about the creators/producers of MLP was that they LISTENED TO THE FANS. Now, I can no longer say that.
I guess if you don't know Derpy, this doesn't seem important. I know my own family is pretty sick of hearing about it. But this is important to us bronies. Imagine watching your child succeed in life, only for someone to change their mind and take all that success away. That's what it's like. We've poured our souls into Derpy, and now she's been rejected. In a way, we've all been rejected. Because we are all Derpy, in one way or another. Have you ever tripped over nothing? Lost your phone while it was in your hand? Fallen onto your friend's project, crushing it to pieces? Have you ever fallen out of a chair, or not realized something important right in front of you, or tried to help out your friends, only to end up hurting them? If so--you've derped. And if you're like me--if you've ever felt lonely, ever felt out of place, ever felt like you just didn't fit in--then you can probably relate to Derpy. If you're clumsy--then you are like Derpy. We are ALL like Derpy, and we must do all we can to save her.
So, what can you do to help?
Sign the petition here: http://www.change.org/petitions/hasbro-studiosthe-hub-do-not-change-derpys-name#
Or donate here: http://www.sightsavers.org/fundraising/event.php?id=278
(you can read more about Sightsavers through this link. It's a great organization.)
Or simply tweet #savederpy or #WeAreAllDerpyHooves
If you're still not convinced, here's a final, heartbreaking sentiment from everypony's favorite crosseyed pony:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK_L5kTIiXs
Up until recently, our little Derpy only had one line..."Muffins." And, in fact, about three OTHER ponies were randomly saying "Muffins" at the same time. Not anything to get worked up about, right?
Wrong.
Due to an animation error, this adorable little pony's eyes were "derped." One looked up, the other--down. Bronies started noticing the gray pony, and she was soon named "Derpy Hooves," after her "derpy" expression.
Derpy attracted quite a lot of attention, and has since become the sort of "mascot" of the brony community--representing all the love and tolerance bronies preach--not to mention, representing those of us who make mistakes and don't always fit in.
She's been depicted as Doctor Whooves's loyal companion, a young and misunderstood pony, a dedicated mother, and a sweetheart who just wants to help her friends. She's kind, and sweet, and--yes--derpy. She makes mistakes. She messes up. She gets herself and her friends into trouble. But at the end of the day, everything is alright.
This endearingly clumsy little pony has touched so many lives. ALL of us have a little piece of Derpy in us--whether you're a fan of MLP or not.
All the love and creativity of the MLP fanbase has gone into Derpy Hooves. So much music, artwork, and writing was born because of her. She should go down in history as the inspiration for many great creative minds.
Just a few short weeks ago, Derpy Hooves had her very first full scene. You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaUbi-7uBDg
I couldn't have been more excited to hear Rainbow Dash call Derpy by her proper fan name. In the past, she's been referred to as "Ditzy" on the show--she was the pony who went accidently go north to fetch the southern birds. To hear our community acknowledged by the use of Derpy's name was truly wonderful. Truly, insanely, wonderful.
The thing is, some people took Derpy's voice, appearance, and name to be offensive. And I'll admit--I wasn't thrilled by her voice. I expected it to be higher pitched, with an air of distraction, if that makes sense. Still, it didn't really bother me--after all, Derpy was talking!!! And they had used her name! All the work and love and care that us bronies had put into Derpy had finally been realized. Most other bronies shared my excitement.
Some fans did NOT share my excitement, though. They said that the name "Derpy" was offensive. They said her derpy eyes were offensive. They said her voice was offensive.
If you have some time, listen to this video by the girl most fans consider to be the REAL voice of Derpy. There is some swearing, but nothing too rude.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmOxnt215ek&feature=channel_video_title
Despite videos, posts, and outcries like these, Hasbro decided to listen to the fans who were offended by Derpy. They changed her scene, so now it looks like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2CRjPO73Dg
Now, let's point out the changes.
First off--the voice. I don't actually mind this new voice so much. Okay, so it's not as silly sounding as Derpy SHOULD sound--but it's not bad.
Next--the eyes. WHY would they straighten Derpy's eyes?! They're silly and funny and adorable and endearing! They don't denote any mental challenges--so therefore, they aren't offensive! Those eyes were Derpy's trademark--the very things that brought attention to this little character! And now...now...
Lastly, and worst of all--her name. They got rid of her name. The name "Derpy," is no longer canon. The fans are no longer recognized. It's as if we don't exist. One of the things I loved about the creators/producers of MLP was that they LISTENED TO THE FANS. Now, I can no longer say that.
I guess if you don't know Derpy, this doesn't seem important. I know my own family is pretty sick of hearing about it. But this is important to us bronies. Imagine watching your child succeed in life, only for someone to change their mind and take all that success away. That's what it's like. We've poured our souls into Derpy, and now she's been rejected. In a way, we've all been rejected. Because we are all Derpy, in one way or another. Have you ever tripped over nothing? Lost your phone while it was in your hand? Fallen onto your friend's project, crushing it to pieces? Have you ever fallen out of a chair, or not realized something important right in front of you, or tried to help out your friends, only to end up hurting them? If so--you've derped. And if you're like me--if you've ever felt lonely, ever felt out of place, ever felt like you just didn't fit in--then you can probably relate to Derpy. If you're clumsy--then you are like Derpy. We are ALL like Derpy, and we must do all we can to save her.
So, what can you do to help?
Sign the petition here: http://www.change.org/petitions/hasbro-studiosthe-hub-do-not-change-derpys-name#
Or donate here: http://www.sightsavers.org/fundraising/event.php?id=278
(you can read more about Sightsavers through this link. It's a great organization.)
Or simply tweet #savederpy or #WeAreAllDerpyHooves
If you're still not convinced, here's a final, heartbreaking sentiment from everypony's favorite crosseyed pony:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK_L5kTIiXs
Friday, February 10, 2012
Star Wars in 3D!!!
I just had an amazing time seeing Star Wars in 3D with many of my closest friends. It was awesome! Absolutely amazing. A lot of my friends went in saying "I love Star Wars, but the Phantom Menace sucks" and came out saying "that was the most brilliant thing I've ever seen."
I was hyper from the moment I entered the lobby, to find R2, R4, Boba Fett, Anakin Skywalker, a Jawa, and Princess Leia disguised as a bounty hunter. I immediately began jumping up nad down and squealing. My friends litterally had to hold me down. We entered the theatre, but I soon left to get popcorn. I returned to a trailer for Star Wars: The Clone Wars, one of my favorite shows! Soon following was a Hunger Games trailer, the reaction of which was a collective scream from my entire group of twelve people. Jenna proceeded to squeal and squeal while she rolled into a ball and began to shiver. It took three people to calm her down. On the other side of our row, our other friends were freaking out over Rue's four note song. It was absolutely brilliant to see on the big screen.
I must say, I thought Star Wars was epic on my home television, but now I know that it cannot compare to on the big screen. It was absolutely fantastic. Even now I'm still shaking, full of excitement. It was AMAZING!!!
Tomorrow night is our school's "movie night," featuring "The Princess Bride." Somehow I doubt I'll be as excited, but it will be fun. This is turning out to be an AWESOME weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\
May the Force be with you,
Annabeth713
I was hyper from the moment I entered the lobby, to find R2, R4, Boba Fett, Anakin Skywalker, a Jawa, and Princess Leia disguised as a bounty hunter. I immediately began jumping up nad down and squealing. My friends litterally had to hold me down. We entered the theatre, but I soon left to get popcorn. I returned to a trailer for Star Wars: The Clone Wars, one of my favorite shows! Soon following was a Hunger Games trailer, the reaction of which was a collective scream from my entire group of twelve people. Jenna proceeded to squeal and squeal while she rolled into a ball and began to shiver. It took three people to calm her down. On the other side of our row, our other friends were freaking out over Rue's four note song. It was absolutely brilliant to see on the big screen.
I must say, I thought Star Wars was epic on my home television, but now I know that it cannot compare to on the big screen. It was absolutely fantastic. Even now I'm still shaking, full of excitement. It was AMAZING!!!
Tomorrow night is our school's "movie night," featuring "The Princess Bride." Somehow I doubt I'll be as excited, but it will be fun. This is turning out to be an AWESOME weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\
May the Force be with you,
Annabeth713
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