My life has recently become a roller-coaster of emotions. I can start off my day feeling gloomy, feel hyper at nutrition, silly during Hebrew and PE, spazzy during lunch, sad during English, happy during History, and downright depressed during theatre...and by the time my aunt comes to pick me up from school, I don't feel happy or sad--just neutral.
For example, I spent all day feeling giddy about presenting the story my friend and I collaborated on. I'm really proud of it. My friend came up with the plot and characters, and I wrote the story itself. I'll post on the blog, so you can check it out. Anyway, the second we finished reading it, I felt horrible. And it wasn't due to the fact that it went too long and our teacher had to cut us off. I just felt...drained. All the excitement left me, and I was empty. And somehow, sadness crept into my heart.
Sometimes I feel really confused. My emotions and opinions can change, literally within seconds. Sometimes listening to music helps. Sometimes it doesn't. I hate feeling like this, because it's distracting. I can't write. I can't think. I can't concentrate. I just want to crawl under my blanket and hide from the world. Because the world scares me. It's big and complicated and full of choices.
I know my friends will support me no matter what I do. Many of them are more like siblings or cousins than mere friends. I know that they'll be there for me, no matter what. But it's often hard to remember that. I've had bad friends in the past. Friends who have abandoned me the second they could. I love my new friends dearly, but sometimes I'm so afraid that they'll let me down, too.
How long will things be like this? How long must I wait until something changes? Most kids are afraid of change, but I live off of it. If things stayed the same--stayed like this--forever, then I just wouldn't be able to take it anymore.
I know this post is vague and doesn't make a ton of sense. I'm juggling several different topics here, which I'm sure is confusing to anyone who isn't in my head. I'm sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest.
No comments:
Post a Comment